iT Never Rains In California
by schillingklaus
Summary: Expelled from Ridgeway, Carly, Freddie, and Sam follow Melanie to her prep school in California. Carly and Spencer exchange letters. Carly/Dustin, Freddie/Sam, Spencer/MsFielder, ...


** iT Never Rains In California**

* * *

** Klaus Schilling **

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**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **iDon't Own any of the shows or any of the other quoted or alluded artworks.

* * *

**Abstract**

**Fandoms: **_Zoey 101_, _iCarly_, _Drake & Josh_, _Unfabulous_, _Ned's Declassified SSG_, _True Jackson VP_

**Genre: **Fluff, Family, Friends, Spiritual, Mystery

**Summary. **letters between Carly and Spencer, after Carly, Freddie, and Sam got expelled from Ridgeway and sent to melanie's boarding school

**Characters and Pairings: **Carly Shay/Dustin Brooks, Spencer Shay/Ms. Fielder, Samantha Puckett/Fredward Benson, Nevel Papperman/Megan Parker, Gibby Carlsen/Lulu Johnson, Amanda Valdez/Robert Carmichael and many many many more

**Timeline (iCarly): **

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**_iCarly_**:

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diverges during the pilot episode

**_Zoey 101_**:

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diverges during _Zoey 101_: _Good-Bye, Zoey!_

**_Drake & Josh_**:

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post series

**_Unfabulous_**:

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post-series

**_Ned's Declassified SSG_**:

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post-series

**_True Jackson VP_**:

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Alternative Universe

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**Table of Contents**

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1. First Letter

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2. Second Letter

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3. Third Letter

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4. Fourth Letter

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5. Fifth Letter

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6. Sixth Letter

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7. Seventh Letter

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8. Eigth Letter

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9. Ninth Letter

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10. Tenth Letter

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11. Eleventh Letter

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12. Twelfth Letter

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12. The End

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**Note**

The story is written for _LiveJournal_ community _Crossovers100_, claim _Pacific Coast Academy_, prompt _Broken_.

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**Note**

The story is written for _LiveJournal_ community _5_4_3_2_, prompt "Epistolary", picture prompts

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a girl in front of a green screen presenting her portable belongings

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a girl in a library, carrying books

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people in a street while it rains

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two people at different sides of a damaged brick wall

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All of them are used.

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** Chapter 1. First Letter**

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**Date**:

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October 3, 2007

**Place**:

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Malibu, California

**From**:

* * *

Carly Shay

**To**:

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Spencer Shay Shay

* * *

Dear Spencer,

I've just arrived at my new school, which is called _Pacific Coast Academy_, and I haven't even done my luggage yet, but I've already started typing in order to write you my first letter from here.

The school is astonishing.

When we arrived, I wondered whether this was really the campus of a school.

It certainly makes the impression of a holiday spa:

Many pools, bars, even a beach, and on and on and on it goes.

Melanie[[1]] told me that we will get accustomed to that.

Sam could not wait a minute: she needed to test the feeding facilities of the school.

I don't know exacty where she is, but I think that the Japanese restaurant, _Sushi Rox_, has been her first target.

Poor Freddie!

Until recently, he thought that Sam was lying when she talked about having a twin sister, even though Principal Franklin has confirmed thrice that Melanie exists, and that he has sent her to this school. Now he thinks that he's drunk, seeing Sam twice!

After all, the school looks more than nice, given that being sent here was a punishment for us, as it had been for Melanie, like, 3 years ago.

Seeing it this way, calling Mrs. Briggs's breasts hilariously pointy, in front of a running cam[[2]] , has been really worth it.

I should do things like that more often, it's definitely fun. I'm sharing a dorm with Melanie and Sam, which is cool.

Freddie has been stuffed into a dorm with some dwarf named Dustin Brooks, who happens to be Melanie's ex-boyfriend, and some Robert Carmichael, also called Scooter[[3]] .

I haven't yet visited Freddie's dormitory, so I will do that right after having taken care of my luggage.

Dustin's parents are leaving for England, and he might join them there, along with his elder sister who is a junior at this school.

If that happens, Freddie might get reassigned again. And he hates changes so much.

I'm pretty sure that Freddie suffers most from the school switch.

You know how hard it was for Principal Franklin to talk Freddie's mom into giving her permit for Freddie joining the _Pacific Coast Academy_.

In the end, Principal Franklin had to sign something, taking responsibility for thousands of things that, according to Marissa, could happen to Freddie.

My dorm looks fantastic.

The walls are painted in bright pink, wow!

The closets are spacy.

There are three beds, as I've already told you:

Two bunks, and a single bed.

I get the top bunk.

Sam insisted in the single bed, as I've always expected.

Maybe I should now take care of my personal belongings.

It's important for us to take good care of our room keys.

While it is not possible to lock yourself into your dorm, once the door closes, and you are outside, you need your key to get back into your dorm.

Unless, of course, your name is Samantha Puckett, because, if you are, you just need a piece of curved wire in order to pick the lock, don't you?

Hm, the key holes here are tiny, I guess you can't even pick them with a curved needle.

But Sam might know some better method. Maybe …

I've just taken a brief look at my open suitcase.

Why, goodness, have you stuffed my old inhalator[[4]] into the suitcase?

My last asthma attack had been six years ago.

I really, really don't need it anymore.

A few of my belonging should be better with me all the time.

I think of my identity cards, my cellular phone, a few cosmetics, a few ball pens, complete with some paper for notes, my game girl, my G.O. with headphones, and some cash, of course.

Oh, Melanie is here! She is going to take care of Sam's belongings, as Sam is still on a tour from campus bar to campus bar, and she will be busy with this task until late at evening.

We have got some strict curfews:

No boys in the girls' dorms, and vice versa, from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m.

We have to be in our dorm after 10 p.m.

Lights go down at 11.p.m.

I've seen our dorm adviser, she's really ugly and messy.

Her name is Coco Wexler.

She is found all day, eunning around with an open can of ravioli, and with a somewhat rusty fork.

That reminds me so much of Lewbert's grossness.

After all, the school appears great, but I better don't judge before my first classes, which will be tomorrow.

I'm going to report you a lot, maybe twice a week.

You will write me back, won't you?

After all, it doesn't matter how nice this school is, compared to Ridgeway, Mrs. Briggs, Mr. Howard, and so on, and how nice the weather is here in Southern California, where the sun shines every day, as opposed to rainy Seattle, for I will always miss you, more than anything else.

Greeting from Freddie and Sam, too.

Your forever loving and caring little sister,

Carly.

* * *

** Chapter 2. Second Letter**

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**Date**:

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October 6, 2007

**Place**:

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Seattle, Washington

**From**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

**To**:

* * *

Carly Shay

* * *

Dear Carly,

I'm very glad about your letter, as I miss you so much. I've feared that your first day was going to disappoint you, but after your words, I know that you're going to like the school, even after the first classes.

As you may imagine, marissa Benson misses Freddie, too, or so she says in her hypermaniac manner.

Phew!

Last night, she intruded into our loft, using the second key that I had to give her when I was out with Socko. She said that she was now going to watch TV with me and do other stuff that she usually does with Freddie.

You've been so right when you complained about her being a terrible baby sitter.

She really pushed some raw vegetables with fat-reduced sour cream down my sore throat, making me vomit while she wasn't looking.

And the TV shows she watches …

I wanted to watch _Pookie Bear Three : The Return of the Pookie Bear[[5]]_, my favourite movie.

But Marissa insisted in watching Health Channel.

And let me say one thing:

I hate Health Channel!

There were so many bacteria and stuff …

Now Marissa insists in sending Freddie an extra parcel, full with the latest medications against the latest diseases.

Freddie won't like it.

Also, Marissa insists in stitching my name into my undergarments, as I would otherwise go and lose them.

I mean, really, I understand that Freddie needs them in his slippers, as it is easy to mess them up at a boarding school.

He shares his room with boys he doesn't know yet, and you have to share your laundry machines, or whatever you use, with many other kids you don't know about yet.

I don't understand anything about laundry, but it may turn chaotic at a school like yours, mustn't it?

Mrs. Benson's crapfood, or, as she calls it, health food, can't hold a candle to your cafeteria or even _Sushi Rox_.

On the other hand, Sam's mom doesn't really care that Sam is gone, as she refused to care when Melanie had left the building. She's really messy and grumpy.

I don't have to wonder that all of her three husbands have run away, if they have survived Mrs. puckett at all.

Maybe those three corpses are rotting away somewhere in the basement of their residence block.

Sam always talks about corpses to hide …

Sorry for those spooky and macabre lines, won't happen that soon again …

I've started building new sculptures.

One of them is called _The wheel of swinging Hammers[[6]]_.

Another one will be build from random junk, a sculpture of little moving things.

Also, I hope that Harry Joyner[[7]] , my idol, the greatest of all the America pop artists that are still alive, will come to Seattle during the next year.

Socko has insinuated that Joyner is rumoured to make it to the Seattle Pop Art Expo, the event upon whch he had been discovered 25 years ago.

I'm going to make some special sculptures if he comes, I'm not sure what, maybe an improvement of my squirrel cam, or, maybe, Merry Sniffmas, a Christmas tree decorated with noses.

Or what do you think about a mobile made of yo-yos?

Also, I've got a great idea for you.

Ms. Briggs has chosen all those talents for her talent show that are lame, boring, gross, or worse.

You could make a web show where you present all those talents, instead, that are cool, fun, and entertaining.

I'm sure that Freddie - does he still hit on you like crazy? - will be able to help you with the technical aspects of such a web show.

I've met Gibby over in the mall down the street, and he toldd that the talent show was a catastrophe.

Even Mr. Franklin hated it.

Unfortunately, superintendent Jacqueline Bell[[8]] is the sister of Mrs. Briggs.

For that reason, Principal Franklin is powerless.

So you don't have to worry about them.

Now you've been talking about that little boy, Dustin, who shares a dorm with Freddie.

I still remember painfully the days when dad was going abroad.

It was hard for both of us.

And I was already over twenty years old when that happened!

But following dad abroad would have been a whole lot harder for you.

I've already got a lot of difficulties with the Canadian slang, and London is so far away.

If Dustin stays at the PCA, please help him to get over it!

I know that you can do it.

Talk to him how it was when our dad went away!

This will help!

So, remember me to Freddie and Sam, whatever they do now.

I hope to hear from you soon again.

Your loving and caring elder brother,

Spencer.

* * *

** Chapter 3. Third Letter**

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**Date**:

* * *

October 10, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Malibu, California

**From**:

* * *

Carly Shay

**To**:

* * *

Spencer Shay Shay

* * *

Dear Spencer,

Yes, it's now a whole week that I've been at this school, and I've really enjoyed your letter.

The thing with Dustin is now solved.

Dustin has never been keen on the possibility of leaving for England. He has told his parents that he wanted to stay because of a girlfriend he had here, but he has admitted unto Freddie that this was just a white lie. He is terribly afraid of the British kitchen, the weather over there, and the girls speaking with British accent. He will stay with us, and so will his elder sister Zoey, a junior here.

I understand the thing with the kitchen. I don't like the British accent, either. I had to talk to Zoey Brooks, a girl with a very powerful charismatic appearance, for two hours.

Oh, concerning the weather …

We are accustomed to rainy weather, we the people of Seattle.

But Dustin has spent five years or more in California.

And the weather here is … just superb.

It never rains in California![[9]]

Anyways, Zoey's friends's attempts of telling her not to go had been half-cocked at best, making her actually believe that going to an English school would be something special.

I'm going to talk about them later in detail.

One of them, Chase Matthews, was very confusing, as if he wanted to get rid of her, which he certainly doesn't, as he has been one of her best friends for like three years, or so said Dustin.

Anyways, when Freddie told me that he was sad about Zoey leaving, and he did not have the guts to talk to her about it, I intervened, and I talked the hell out of her, mentioning how it was for us when dad left, and why we did not want to follow him abroad, you know, it would have been terrible.

Zoey finally chimed in, for the better of herself, of her friends, and of Dustin.

Your idea with the webshow is great, too.

Freddie has declared himself ready take care of the technical production stuff.

Sam might become my co-moderator, alas, she tried to back out when she realised that preparing a web show implied some work, maybe a lot of it, and, as you know, Sam is allergic to everything even losely connected to work.

Of course, I may hardly invite talents from Seattle who had impressed me when casting for Mrs. Briggs's talent event, so I have to look for them here on site.

This won't be too hard, the more kids I get to know here, and I've already stumbled about quite a few in this week.

Dustin Brooks has already offered to participate with a trick: He may saw virgins into half[[10]] !

He had already wanted to perform that trick at the school's official talent show of last year, but he was hindered by the lack of a volunteer to get sawed into half.

Scooter totally chicked out, or, maybe, he rather ducked out. The guy runs like a duck.

Quack! Quack!

I so want to assist as the target of this trick, but I better to ask you for your permission.

You know that it's just a trick, and nothing bad ever happens, so, just to be sure …

Marissa would certainly never allow Freddie to assist in such a trick.

I've already come to know Zoey's roomies.

One of them is Quinn Pensky. The best is: She is from Seattle, too! Even more, she went to Ridgeway until the Pacific Coast Academy opened for girl, and she had been sent there upon recommendation by Principal Franklin who feared that Quinn might have been able to blow up Ridgeway with her scientific experiments.

Freddie has already known her from her time in Seattle:

Quinn was his first teacher for media technology.

Freddie is still using some of her inventions, or, as she calls them, Quinnventions, on his pearbook laptop.

Zoey's second roomie is an actress named Lola Martinez. She aims towards a first Oscar before graduating from high school. She has already been in several commercials.

Her grin, and her squeal, are really awesome, at least.

Freddie's eyes bugged out when he heard that she was here.

He's obviously totally obsessed with Lola, as evidence by his horny gaze whenever Dustin talks about her.

Lola might be an alternative to Sam as a co-moderator for the show, as she loves being seen on TV, and a web show is like TV on computer, isn't it?

Freddie would probably tear me into pieces for such an imprecise statement.

Alas, Zoey, Lola, and Quinn have glared at me, as if my face is familiar to them, for some reason.

Maybe I should get at the bottom of this incident. For the time being, I am lucky that I have convinced Zoey to stay here, so I did not have the guts to ask why they have glared at me in such a way.

Time will tell …

Oh, yeah, the classes here …

My favourite teacher is Mr. Bender, my teacher for homeroom and government classes. He has got a little son.

Maybe I'm going to babysit him, on and off, for I sure need some money for lip gloss and stuff.

I share most of the classes with Freddie and Sam, which will make life a lot easier.

I don't really like science classes here, as our teacher, Mrs. Bromwell [[11]] is really boring.

Sam pays a lot of attention, because she wants to learn to mix poisons, explosives, and so on, wonder why …

I'm also assigned as Sam's project partner in English classes.

We are talking about Jane Austen's book _Pride And Prejudice_.

I hope that Sam won't be too lazy to follow me to the library.

According to Zoey, the library here is really big.

I'm so afraid of getting lost in there.

Maybe there are even ghosts of deceased nerds who died in here, because they forgot about eating and sleeping?

Creepy and macabre, isn't it?

Anyways, I'm now looking forward to your next letter, and remember me and Freddie and Sam to Gibby, should you ever cross his way again …

Your very loving and caring little sister,

Carly

* * *

** Chapter 4. Fourth Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

October 13, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Seattle, Washington

**From**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

**To**:

* * *

Carly Shay

* * *

Dear Carly,

I'm so glad about your letter!

You seem to get to know the other pupils really fast.

I'm now working on a sculpture that I name _Splatterman_[[12]].

It is a life-sized plaster sculpture of myself, splattered with various colours.

I know that if you were still here, you would so enjoy helping me splattering the plaster monster.

It would be such a lot of fun.

Fortunately, Gibby wants to help me out.

I've already bought various buckets of paint: Hot pink, crimson red, lemon yellow, leaf green, and so on.

Too bad Gibby has a hard time telling colours apart.

For that avail, I had the idea of telling him to enroll for open arts classes at the local community college, as Ridgeway Middle School has cut down on arts classes.

Gibby likes that idea, and he's going to ask his mom. He also wonders which of his invisible shirts he should wear whe he goes to arts classes.

Oh yeah, Sam should definitely start doing something for your project assignments.

If she doesn't, I will come and spank her for good!

Oops!

There's another thing that you won't believe:

Do you remember Jake Crendle[[13]] , the blond rake from six streets away?

It is rumoured that he is no longer with Stephanie Javers, his busty blonde.

At least Gibby has said that Wendy has said that …

Rumours say further that he's so disappointed, he might be going to leave Seattle on site, and go somewhere else.

It's great that your project is about _Pride and Prejudice_.

Socko and I, we had a project about them at undergraduate school.

I was too lazy to read the book.

But so was Socko.

We ended up sharing the task.

I came to read all the even-numbered pages.

Socko, in turn, read all the odd-numbered pages.

Do you want to know what came out of this?

I bet not …

Anyways, the story of Liz Bennet and of Mr. Darcy reminds me infinitely much of Sam and Freddie.

I don't know why it does, it just is so.

Maybe the wall between Freddie and Sam is going to break some day.

Or is it just me?

It's great that you already know pupils to participate in your show.

Dustin's trick is old, sure, but it is still fascinating.

Of course you may assist him, so, go ahead! I'd so like to watch …

If you got cut into half, would it make you my half-sisters?

Oops, my fantasy goes a bit astray .,.

I remember the times of old when Socko and I tried to learn some trick, it has to do with cards.

Socko made me draw a card from the talon, without letting me know.

It was the Queen of Hearts.

Then Socko told me that it was a Queen of Hearts.

I was totally in awe, until, a week later, I discovered that the whole talon consisted only of Queens of hearts.

Do you imagine how much I was upset?

But I've paid it home to him. A few days later, I've shown him an egg, telling him that it was magical.

He had to hide it in his sandals, and a few days later, the shoes were going to turn into gold. He did what I said, and, accidentally, forgot about the egg when he needed to wear his sandals fast.

Splash!

The whole sandal was smeared with yolk and albumen!

I really laughed my butt off.

You've mentioned Quinndelyn Pensky.

Oh yes, I do remember her.

She's somehow related to Socko, I just don't remember how, maybe his cousin, or second cousin, or third cousin, whatever.

You think I've built my bottle robot myself?

It's true that I've somewhat glued the bottles together, but Quinn once snuck into the basement, and she added the mechanics, and the circuit, to make it movable!

According to Socko, Quinn has invented the illumination of the sockets that I wear, you know, those multi-coloured stockings … She has first used the illumination for her pair of pyjamas, at some pyjama party[[14]]

I also remember having seen Lola Martinez in some ads, they are cool.

If I were a few years younger, Lola would make me swoon to no end, too, so it's not all Freddie's fault.

Oh yes, you should definitely get at the bottom of their reaction.

Maybe you've got a doppelganger somewhere?

We might even have relatives that we don't know of!

I think that this may be getting exciting!

You're totally right about the weather.

We had a few sunny days, but, today, it's fog and rain all the way.

For that avail, I do understand that someone accustomed to Californian weather would not want to go to England, where it is probably even worse than here in Seattle.

Mrs. Benson thinks that I need a new rain coat, as the old one has got a few holes.

Now I'm so looking forward to seeing your first web cast, and how you do in the trick.

Also, remember me to Freddie and Sam!

I miss them, too, almost as much as I miss you.

Cheerful greetings,

Spencer

* * *

** Chapter 5. Fifth Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

October 18, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Malibu, California

**From**:

* * *

Carly Shay

**To**:

* * *

Spencer Shay Shay

* * *

Dearest Spencer,

Sorry, we had to make our first web cast before we could inform you.

I'm incredibly sorry because you could not watch it live, but Freddie has made a DVD, whatever that means, for you, complete with a personal dedication, and I have alleged it to this letter, so you may watch it now.

Quinn has helped Freddie with the circuits.

Obviously, Freddie would have figured it on his own during the enxt days, but we are really in a hurry.

The reason for this is the following:

One of our guests is Ashley Blake[[15]], a famous tweenie Hollywood diva. She has been going on a shooting event at Hollyway right after the webcast.

You sahould have seen Quinn and Freddie hustlebustling with all the wires and stuff, getting the technical equipment rigged and ready for the webcast, and, even more, broadcasting it into the lounges.

Our regular web casts will be Saturday night at 7.30. Just click on iCarly DOT com. Not net, for net is for losers, or so said Sam.

I don't want to spoil too much, as you should watch the DVD in order to see our first webcast

When Freddie roasted the DVD, he mentioned that it would be an MPEG[[16]] .

I just know that MPEG is something which has to do with computers and media.

Sam and Freddie, on the other hand, made a bet about what MPEG means.

You won't guess it, but …

Sam was right, and Freddie wasn't![[17]]

Incredible, isn't it?

Maybe we all have underestimated Sam?

You should have seen Quinn's face when she had to admit that Sam was right, and not her favourite technical prodigy.

Of couse, the bet was not without stakes.

I tried hard to dissuade them from fixing stakes, but my attempt in doing so turned out a complete failure.

Now Freddie has to do Sam's laundry, all year long!

And, as you may imagine, Sam "promised" Freddie to make her underwear particularly brown-stained and odorous.

I can't even dare to imagine to think about it, or I'd have to vomit up and sown the campus aisle.

And you've already watched pictures of the campus on the interweb, when Freddie clicked first on the website of the school.

It is a really big campus!

And my stomach is so tiny, compared to Sam's who is larger from the inside than Sam appears to be on the outside.

As you see, Sam was my co-mod for the first session.

We might go and rotate the co-mods, though.

Lola will be here.

Even Melanie wants to co-moderate.

We won't tell the viewers in advance whe Melanie co-moderates for the first time.

Naughty as I can be, on rare occasions, I want to see whether the viewers notice the change.

So, after you've view the pilot, please go and tell around about our web show!

I so want pupils of Ridgeway watch our following sessions, especially Gibby.

Freddie and Quinn also think about a live chat cam [[18]], so we may talk during the webshow.

Quinn has also invented the green screen[[19]], something that allows us to give the illusion of a background of our choice.

Anyways, we definitely want more viewers.

Maybe you have got an idea about a way of doing so?

Now I know a bit more why Zoey and Lola glared at me last time.

Quinn told me about Paige Howard, the winner of last year's National Science Fair, who gave a perilious demo of her inventions at the PCA just a few months ago.

Paige looks almost like me!

Alas, none of us knows whether that's mere random, or whether we are related.

I so hope that Paige is not a relative of Mr. Howard, my former teacher for mathematics, and one of the most terrible teachers of Ridgeway, right after Mrs. Briggs, hell, he might be even worse, for that matter!

Confusion … confusion … confusion …

Our project for the English class?

Sam wanted me to read everything, and to do the whole work, as you have feared. She has only read three books in her life: _Poogie Bear_, _Poogie Bear II_, and _Poogie Bear 3 : Return of the Poogie Bear_[[20]].

But I have threatened her to never be her project partner again, so she will have to be Freddie's partners for the next project in history.

This worked wonders.

Alas, Freddie and Sam have now started another bet.

Freddie doesn't believe that Sam is able to read the whole book _Life And Prejudice_ within one week.

The stakes are terrible again.

The winner gets the loser's desserts at lunch, for a whole year.

After all, Freddie and Sam as Mr. Darcy and Liz Bennett? You have to be joking, haven't you?

I wish you weren't, but …

Fact is, it is not enough knowing the text of _Pride and Prejudice_, we also need to read some of the contemporary critics the books received.

Freddie's project partner is Melanie. He has finally learnt that she's totally real.

Although Melanie is nice to him, I feel that she is just acting this way in order to spite Sam.

There might be some twin drama ahead …

They have to talk about Edgar Allen Poe's novel _The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket_.

I've heard that Poe may be very scary, and it gives me the creeps, even though I haven't yet encountered a ghost in the library when i was looking for references for Jane Austen.

Sam tries to taunt Freddie with the prospect of ghosts.

Neither Freddie nor Sam believe in the macabre, but Sam uses spooky stories in order to taunt him mercilessly.

Anyways, now go and have fun with the pilot of iCarly, and spread the message!

And remember me, and Freddie, and Sam, to Gibby, Mrs. Benson, and so on!

your loving and caring little sister,

Carly

* * *

** Chapter 6. Sixth Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

October 23, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Seattle, Washington

**From**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

**To**:

* * *

Carly Shay

* * *

Dear Carly,

I love that DVD, and I'm still rolling on the floor, over and over again, after watching up.

Dustin and you look really professional in that trick, as if you had been practising together for years.

It's really cool when you giggle while Dustin keeps on sawing, pretending that you are so tickling at certain spots where uyou make us viewers believe that the saw's teeth touch you.

Maybe you should have used some fake blood, as Socko did when we were at college, and he tried to trick me into believing that he could cut himself with a knife, and the wound would heal almost instantly.

You may not have noticed it, but Freddie was really jealous when he aimed the cam at the black box you were lying in.

He also seemed worried, and he tried to intervene and save you from being sawed apart.

Sam had to headlock him in order to keep the show going on.

Ashley Blake … yeah, I do know her movies. I still enjoy watching _Queen of the Kids_ over and over, along with Socko.

But she's apparently an arrogant diva, more than Lola Martinez.

Her skits are totally funny, no matter what.

Freddie kept looking at Ashley with hungry eyes. He's such a screwed wannabe womaniser. Come on, he has been keeping on hitting on you for two years, and he gazes hornily at Ashley Blake, and you've already mentioned how much he lusts for Lola Martinez. He's so insanely girl-crazy, he would ever be a reliable boyfriend or hubby for you, I can tell you.

You may not even have noticed how Freddie hit subtly on Ashley.

She seems to take it in a cool manner, like "Don't touch me! I'm a celebrity!"

I've also enjoyed the performance of Scooter.

He really walks like a duck, both forth and back!

Michael Barret was also great when he played the transversal flute[[21]] while swinging the clacker balls.[[22]].

I'm looking forward to his next performances, like getting a walnut to explode in grapefruit lemonade[[23]].

I'm sorry for Chase and Michael, as they had had problems with censorship because of their previous attempt of launching a web show[[24]] . I'll also appreciate when you show some of the toons of Chase and Michael on your web show.

Socko and I, we had often enough troubles with censorship at our schpools.

Let's not hope that your headmaster will trouble you for that!

You've told me to spread the message?

Yeah, baby!

Gibby watched with me, and he's still applauding.

Most of the Ridgeway kids will be at their laptops during your next shows.

You could use a mini plane in order to write something into the sky, such as "Please, click on iCarly DOT com!", or you could display the same message on an LED board attached somewhere over some busy freeway[[25]] , as I did with Socko, back when we were younger.

It required a lot of dangerous welding works, wear you need to wear protective glasses.

I might still have got a panel down in the basement, and I just need to change the letters, then I could send you the whole thing if you need it.

Quinn taught Socko welding when she was like ten years old, and I've learnt it from Socko by watching. For that avail, Quinn might do the welding work, as well, I'm sure it will be even better than what I could do.

As you know, Halloween is just around the corner.

As usual, I want to do some pumpkin sculpting. I've already chosen the appropriate tools. Now I may only hope that Socko shows up with the pumpkin, right in time[[26]] .

Maybe Gibby will even help me. He has already learnt a lot in the arts classes.

Yesterday, I visited his class, and I had a dispute with the teacher, Miss Fielder[[27]], about artistic taste, wreaking a lot of havoc. I don't hope that Gibby gets banished from community college for having dragged me in, causing all the trouble.

It's great that Sam wants to actually do something for your project.

But I doubt severely that she will be able to read a whole novel within a sole week.

At least she tries to.

You think that Melanie uses Freddie for annoying Sam?

That would be some twin terror, indeed.

Talking about twins … I really don't hope that we are related to the Howards, even if your lookalike Paige Howard[[28]] should be really nice.

I don't know much about our relatives, and dad is not here to ask. Maybe I should ask our grandpa from Yakima[[29]] about it, as it doesn't let me sleep quietly at all.

I can't say much about Edgar A. Poe.

If he's so scary and creepy, I better don't want to hear about him again, not until after Halloween, that is for sure.

Oh, a few people who have seen your pilot keep on pestering me.

One of them is a certain Amanda Valdez, who claims to be your greatest fan, after just one cast! She desperately wants to visit you in Malibu, but she doesn't know where that is. If you ask me, she's a bit scary, too, so it's better that she doesn't know where you are. Amanda seems to be interested in particular in Scooter's duck walk, she's downright obsessed with his style of moving.

I haven't got the foggiest idea why anyone would be so obsessed with such a style of walking, but, who knows?

Gibby told me that someone told him that you should get a recommendation from some Nevel Papperman, the runner of nevelocity DOT com, who writes about everything that is cool o the interweb.

I'm not sure whether you need such a recommendation, but you may try, if you want to, just in case.

It can't hurt you, right?

Your loving and caring elder brother,

Spencer

* * *

** Chapter 7. Seventh Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

October 28, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Malibu, California

**From**:

* * *

Carly Shay

**To**:

* * *

Spencer Shay Shay

* * *

Dear Spencer,

I'm glad you liked it so much.

Alas, we've tried to follow your suggestions to promote the web show.

And now all the hoopla that we've caused backfired!

Well, you've suggested unto us to write those words into the sky.

We did:

Logan Reese, the rich heir of one of the biggest Hollywood producers, has got a mini helicopter, worth thousands of bucks. Rather, he had got one, as in no more.

We wanted to borrow it, in order to write "PLEASE CLICK ON ICARLY DOT COM" into the sky.

Logan agreed, but he dared us not to damage it.

Quinn carefully added the smokewriting device to the helicopter.

Sam wrote the banderole into the sky, as broadcast on site in our live webcast.

It was a bright sunny day, no clouds or mist up in the sky, as is the case in Seattle - most of the time - and the script was visible all over the greater LA area.

Unfortunately, there was a gentle gust of wind from the sea.

The currents wiped out a few letters.

The remaining letters read: "P E E ON CARL[[30]]".

You may laugh about it, as it sounds really funny, but you won't imagine what reactions these words triggered on site.

The first name of Dean Rivers, our headmaster, is: Carl[[31]]!

So, basically, we incited the whole school to pee on our headmaster.

Needless to say, Dean Rivers was not exactly keen on reading the script up in the sky.

The helicopter got confiscated.

Logan is now very stinky. He told Dean Rivers that his helicopter had been stolen, and stuff.

The worst thing: Dean Rivers had already been hit by a stray miniature plain on the campus[[32]], like, a year ago, and, fortaht avail, he had already prohibited the use of remote-controlled flying devices on the campus.

Dustin has warned Freddie before our action. He had been one of the pupils who had played with the mini-plane which had been tuned by Quinn, who had turned its steering mechanism off, in order to augment propulsion … whatever that means … I guess Sam understands it, but she would not talk about it unless in a bet.

I should have listened to Dustin.

No, Freddie should have listened. He never told me that he had been warned, until it was too late!

I'm particularly stinky because Quinn did not mention that incident!

Whatever, Dean Rivers is looking madly for those who are at the bottom of the whole action, and he won't deal with it lightly.

Also, his bad experience with the web show of Chase and Michael won't do anything to the avail of tuning him more benevolent towards us and our show.

For that avail, our show needs to disappear for a few weeks, until the whole smoke has puffed away.

Oops!

Freddie has hoped that Logan would recommend us unto his dad. As you know, he wants to become a professional technical production expert, and Malcolm Reese was always going to need a few experts.

I wouldn't have minded a Hollywood career as a show host, either.

Whatever, our dreams have now been flushed down the drain!

Consequently, there's no need to contact Nevelocity DOT com, let alone to invite Amanda Valdez to a live cast.

You're also right: I did not notice many of the things you mentioned, such as Dustin blushing, or Freddie's jealousy, while subtly hitting on Ashley.

Too bad Dustin isn't a tall rake, but he's too nice and sweet to tell him that.

Whatever, I'm sure Ashley will just hurt Freddie.

She is one bitchy diva.

Freddie has already had a lot of bad lack with his bets.

That's right, he has lost another bet, once more to Sam:

She has learnt _Pride And Prejudice_ by heart, in only one week!

Someone has to stop Freddie from betting with Sam, otherwise he will end up as Sam's pitiable slave 24/24 and 7/7.

Dean Rivers has already issued a prohibition against bets on the campus, anyways.

Dustin has told us the background: Chase and Logan once had a bet involving a cart race on the campus. One pupil got almost run over[[33]] in that race.

Fortunately, we did not make a bet concerning the better idea to get more viewers for iCarly, as that would have been double-illegal …

Anyways, our project is going great.

Too bad knowing the text by heart is not all that there is to our assignment. We have to understand Jane Austen's motivations, and the time in which the book was written.

I've hunted across the whole library for that, meeting a nerd that is on the best way towards becoming the next ghost in the library: Miles Brody[[34]]. He is an example for someone who knows each and every book by heart, but doesn't understand much.

I understand that Sam does not want to end up like him, and that's the reason why she does only sparsely use the great abilities of her rote memory.

Freddie also seem to start learning from Miles's expample.

Miles had once dated a girl named Nicole, or, rather, he had blackmailed her friends into forcing her to date him, in turn for helping them with a project.

Nicole was a very lively girl, obsessed with cute boys. She almost died from disgust during the date …

Maybe the horrible example of Miles Brody serves as a warning for Freddie.

I hope that Gibby doesn't get flung from community college, either.

Oh, as Thanksgiving is approaching:

We need to know where to spend the vacations.

Sam doesn't want to go home.

You might spend the holiday wwith us, for there will be some beds available for guests when most pupils are off for the vacations.

As usual, remember me to Gibby, Mrs. Benson, and so on!

Your loving and caring little sister,

Carly

* * *

** Chapter 8. Eigth Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

November 1, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Seattle, Washington

**From**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

**To**:

* * *

Carly Shay

* * *

Dear Carly,

sorry that my suggestion backfired so badly.

Sniff!

Maybe Dean Rivers has some secret vices, and you could threaten to reveil them unless …

I've seen that in some movie, just a few years ago.

_Galaxy Wars_? _Poogie Bear_?

Whatever.

So, how was your Halloween night?

It was a bit turbulent here.

First, the pumpkin that Socko had sent me was a bit big.

Not just big, really huge, a giant pumpkin that barely fit into the elevator!

My tools were thought for a standard-sized pumpkin.

So I used a few saws, axes, and so on.

Gibby scared away some trick-or-treating kids from across the street with his bare chest.

Talking about Gibby … my fears came true, he had been expelled from community college, for good!

But I'm now expelled, too.

I remember how I got expelled from law school, when they figured that my undergraduate diploma was a fake.

But this time, it hurt a lot more.

Miss Fielder insisted that she had been right in our dispute about arts, as she had obrained a diploma from Harry Joyner's Vocational College for Visual Arts, with a straight A in Pedagogics of Art, in Art Therapy, and in History of Arts.

I have never made it that far, as you know, because I had no money for arts school once I was expelled from Law School.

Alas, late last night, Miss Fielder came along.

I feared that it was a gang of trick-or-treating freaks, but it wasn't.

Miss Fielder told me that she had been fired and expelled from community college, too. Now she is left without a job. She needs me to show her to survive as a freelance artist.

I didn't quite get it.

She said that my original style may impossibly be learnt in any school, not even from a coryphaeus like Harry Joyner.

I sighed, because I would like to get Harry Joyner's approval.

Miss Fielder says that Harry should definitely have a look at my sculptures.

According to her, Mr. Joyner will go pale for envy, as he had not produced anything like that when he was still young.

Miss Fielder admired especially the Splatterman, as it looks so splatterish …

Is that even a word?

Scratch!

Miss Fielder compared me to Leonardo Da Vinci.

I haven't studied the history of arts, so I only knew that it's some dead guy from long ago.

Miss Fielder told me more about that old Italian master, making me feel totally flattered, as I've never felt flattered before in my whole life.

Then it happened.

I couldn't help kissing with Miss Fielder, and I don't even know her first name.

Unfortunately, shirtless Gibby was watching.

I was so infinitely embarassed.

But then she started helping me with the pumpkin.

It was going to be one hell of a fantastic sculpture.

Miss Fielder also suggested to apply for the Jonas Book of records[[35]] , if not for my giant pumpkin, then for some other sculpture. She said that they are all supertastic.

Unfortunately, supertasticity can't be counted.

Maybe I should make the biggest wheel of swinging hammers?

Hammers can be counted, can't they?

Alas, grandpa deemes that wheel too dangerous.

A loose hammer might be sent flying across the hall, and hit Mrs. Benson's forehead.

This would mean that nobody would be able to do my laundry for quite some time.

Oh, grandpa could scatter some of our fears: We are definitely in no way related to Mr. Howard, well, not from dad's side, anyways …

So, maybe one of my other ideas are more suited.

I think of a sculpture of random stuff that moves.

All directions of movements could be present: Up and down, forth and back, left and right, clockwise, counterclockwise, … you name it!

When Miss Fielder, Gibby, and I were done with the pumpkin, a girl with a duck costume stood in my door.

I thought it was just one random trick-and-treater, but I was so wrong.

It was the one and only authentic Amanda Valdez, aka Mandy!

She wanted me to drive her to California, right on sight, in order to give you brownies she had made on her own.

One brownie was in the likeness of Freddie, the second one in the likeness of Sam, the the third cookie was a little copy of you!

While the brownies looks cute, I had to disappoint Mandy, telling her that I was not about going to California, not right on site.

Mandy just shrugged, saying that this didn't matter, she was waiting here in my loft until I was ready to take her to California. She even had a second duck costume in her backpack, telling me to don it. Then she wanted to flirt with Gibby.

Fortunately, our shirtless friend hid in the pumpkin, as far as possible.

Now Mandy is circling the pumpkin, waiting for Gibby to come out.

Miss Fielder wants to call Mrs. Valdez, but, unfortunately, Mandy has only got a half-deaf aunt who was waiting in the car one or two streets away.

Mandy said that she was going to join the Pacific Coast Academy next term, anyways, so she would be really close to you, and Freddie, and Sam.

Sorry for those probably annoying news …

Now I hope she's going to let Gibby in peace.

Scooter would be more suited for her, anyways.

Mandy wants to dance the duck-dance with Scooter, and force him into a duck costume.

I have to think now of something else to get rid of Mandy.

She is such a pest!

Whatever, I hope to come to visit you over Thanksgiving, but I do hope that Mandy does not follow me.

It would kill me, honestly!

Remember me to Freddie and Sam.

Your sincerely caring and loving elder brother,

Spencer

* * *

** Chapter 9. Ninth Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

November 28, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Malibu, California

**From**:

* * *

Carly Shay

**To**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

* * *

Dear Spencer,

thanks for your attempt of comforting me.

The loss of the web cast hurts me a lot.

Fortunately, there seems to be a chance on some light at the end of the tunnel.

Inspite of Logan's anger, his dad, Malcolm Reese, appears not uninterested in our show. He has suggested that we put a banner of iCarly into some of his shows.

Freddie is looking forward to an internship in the technical production team of Reese Enterprises.

I try to get his feet back to the ground, but it's hard, as it has always been his dream to work as a tech producer for a big broadcast corporation.

Malcolm wants to evaluate iCarly for a TV show.

If he likes it, we will make it straight to TV!

A limousine will pick us from the campus, and return hereto every time. The limo is so long and black, like in all those movies.

Malcolm pays also Nevel Papperman for evaluating iCarly on Nevelocity.

Of course, there's still the problem of Dean Rivers not approving of iCarly, but there's also a chance that Malcolm Reese is goimg to fix that, as he's occasionally playing golf and visiting clubs with Dean Rivers, and he's the main sponsor of the school.

OK, that's about iCarly.

So, I'm just gone for a few weeks, and you start making out with girls?

Yeah, I sure don't understand anything about arts.

Whatever, we have got only one teacher for arts, here at this school.

Her name is Mrs. Fisher[[36]], and she isn't very popular.

I'm pretty sure that Miss Fielder would get a job here, if she applied, especially because she holds a recommendation from one and only Harry Joyner.

It would be cool if you could visit us over the holidays, along with Miss Fielder.

I do need to know whom you might be going to marry, don't I?

There are some pupils on the campus that are incredibly gifted in the sector of arts.

Dustin's sister Zoey, for example, is a cool fashion designer. She designs a variety of things, such as backpacks[[37]], shirts [[38]], maybe even socks?

As Quinn has invented illumination for textiles, she might also have invented the illumination for the socks you wear, you know, those multi-coloured ones you're so infinitely proud of, and that Socko sells you all the time.

There's a suspicion … Zoey might have invented your socks, letting Quinn add the illumination, and Socko sells you those?

The world could be so small.

And even if my suspicion is wrong, you would be infinitely proud to wear Zoey's designs, especially the backpacks. Thus you should definitely come to see Zoey!

Another great artist is Maria[[39]] Hughes, who happens to be the sister of Tasha[[40]], you know, that arrogant girl that thinks that nothing is cool unless it gets some recommendation from some dubious "authority. Well, Maria is a really gifted painter girl, she likes to make portraits of fellow pupils and stuff members."

Finally, there's a girl named Stacey Dillsen who makes cool things from cotton swabs and white glue only.

As a person, Stacey is rather scary and quirky, as she talks with a heavy lisp, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible to work together with her, if one really tries to.

As you see, there are quite a few pupils here who would be pleased to have a new teacher for arts at our school.

And, you're right, please try not to get Mandy to follow you.

I'm sure that Freddie, Sam, and I, we won't have any spare minute left if she's around us.

I'm infinitely glad that grandpa could affirm that we are not related to Mr. Howard, even if that's only granted on dad's side of the family.

However, things are starting to go crazy.

Scooter had a conversation with me in some silent corner, begging me to never release the information on the campus.

I wondered what could be that important.

Scooter is from San Diego Belleview. He has got neighbours there, well, most people have got neighbours, but:

His neighbour girl, Megan, looks almost like me!

In other terms, I'm now left with two mysterious doppelgangers.

Do you know how creepy I must feel?

And I can't share that with Freddie and Sam, not yet, without making Scooter upset.

The deeper reason: Megan's family name is Parker.

Not just any family named Parker, but the family of the one and only … Drake Parker!

You know, that's the rock star who makes all the girls swoon like crazy …

And there's the point:

If everyone knew that Drake Parker was Scooter's neighbour, Scooter would not have a single free minute left!

Oh yeah, if I'm really related to the Parkers, and people got to know about it, I won't find any peace on this campus anymore, either.

Sam is a totally addicted fan of Drake. At Ridgeway, she had a poster of him in her locker.

The same poster is now in her closet.

So, maybe you can do some research in that direction?

I've heard that Socko is great at unveiling family trees.

And Freddie says that, if he met Drake, he would want to learn his secret about womanising.

It makes me shudder a bit, thinking about being related to a reckless womaniser like Drake.

Needless to say, Freddie creeps me totally with his wish for learning how to treat women "correctly".

Logan Reese has already offered to teach him. Logan is such a jerk. He insists in treatinf girls arrogantly, like dirt, and that girls are addicted to being abused by boys.

Fortunately, the trouble with the helicopter made Logan refrain from teaching Freddie, at least so far, but he might soon be over it, and then he will totally spoil him.

Dustin has once sought Logan's help with girls[[41]] , but he had fast figured that Logan's methods were so wrong. Isn't he an incredible sweetie?

Oops!

Melanie seems to try to push us, wonder why?

In any case, I'm so looking forward to seeing you here over the holidays, and so are Freddie and Sam.

Please remember us also to Gibby and Marissa,

your very loving and caring little sister,

Carly Shay

* * *

** Chapter 10. Tenth Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

November 9, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Seattle, Washington

**From**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

**To**:

* * *

Carly Shay

* * *

Dear Carly,

I'm glad you're not all that upset because I have had that stupid idea.

Miss Fielder likes that suggestion. She is already about writing her resume to Dean Rivers, if that's the right person to send a CV to. She fears that Dean Rivers will not think highly of someone who got fired for causing trouble at his previous job, but, whatever, she better tries.

Maybe Dean Rivers is one fan of Lenny Da Vinci?

Miss Fielder would love to work together with fashion queen Zoey, with Stacey "Cottonswab" Dillsen, and with painter girl Maria.

For the time being, I've even been able to get rid of Amanda Valdez. As she insisted in helping me with the sculpture of many things that move, I've sent her on a fool's errant, giving her a list of a few hundred things that don't exist, but that I "need desperately" for building the sculpture, such as a left-handed screw driver, or a three-headed hammer, or an anti-drill, that is, something that looks like a drill, but works backward, closing a hole instead of drilling a new one.

Mandy swallowed the assignment lock, stock, and barrel, but, probably, she might, sooner or later, figure that all those things don't exist. If that happens, she will return, and pester us again.

And all that although I'm really bad in inventing foul excuses, or poresenting them in some credible manner.[[42]].

Sam would have had much less of a trouble.

I just need to hope that Mandy won't be able to figure that everything was foul before my trip to Los Angeles in order to visit you.

Gibby could leave his unconvenient hideout, the centre of the hollowed pumpkin. He is still shirtless, as usual.

Maybe Zoey may design him a shirt that he actually likes to wear?

Gibby can't run around half-naked, all the time.

I've looked into the Jonas book of records.

They require like 130 independently moving pieces.

There a re a few other cool things in that book.

The cover page displays a priest that ways like 500 pounds, his name being Father MacCurdy.

Maybe he should conduct my wedding with Miss Fielder, if we should ever make it that far?

Or better the Pope, who is my cousin? Second cousin? Third cousin?

Damn', I'm so bad at lying.

Whatever, Mrs. Merlyn Raymour from the Jonas centre of the State of Washington will get over here by the end of next week, in order to check the sculpture.

Her fiancé is in the book, too, he may keep his eyelids stiff for hours.

I can't even do that for a few seconds.

The most interesting thing that I've found is the record concerning web casts.

The longest web cast, without any interruption whatsoever, lasts for over a whole day already.

Are you interested in breaking the record?

With a dozen of pupils at your disposal, that won't be too hard, but don't forget the possibility of power failures.

The committee responsible for Jonas is incredibly strict with its rules.

Oh, I'm sure glad that there's some hope for you to be able to continue your webshow, and I will be even more proud when you become a star moderator of real TV. Of course, I'm also glad that Freddie gets an internship, I hope it's a paid internship.

Companies like to fool pupils into stuff, promising them a chance on a future job, but, really, just abusing you as willing slave workers.

For that avail, I will be with you, should you decide to sign a contract, and control the conditions for your job.

Malcolm Reese could be a spaz.

And maybe my three days at university, pretending to study law and order, will turn out as useful for some purpose, at last.

I've still kept my books from school, just in case, although they serve now as a socket for some of my sculptures, suck as _Splatterman_ or _Merry Sniffmas_.

Oh yeah, Melanie tries to push you and Dustin?

That's really interesting.

He may not be a rake, but he is probably very solid and reliable, and, as you did when you performed the wonderful saw-a-virgin trick. He would not push you or treat you like dirt.

But, after all, it's all up to you, I better don't try to talk you into anything.

And I'm going to see Dustin over the holiday break, ain't I?

He will sure be there, given that the break is too short for a trip to London.

And there are no Thanksgiving holidays in England … I think … why would they care about it?

And, should Mandy follow me, against my will …

Will Scooter be there?

It would be really cool, if they did the duck dance together.

And Mandy will be distracted for a few hours.

By the way, Gibby may have found a new girlfriend.

Her name is Louise Johnson[[43]].

She's from New York City, but she's staying with her aunt in Seattle for the rest of the academic year. Unfortunately, she will have to return to New York City right afterwards.

Oh, I've asked grandpa about the Parker things.

He doesn't know anything, but he has answered in such an evasive manner, I'm sure that he's trying to hide something, I don't know what, but we should keep on searching.

It would be really cool if I were related to Drake Parker.

Maybe there's a place in his band for me as a drummer.

I better go to the junk yard, and fetch a few things to build a drum set, so I may practise some hardrock drumming[[44]]. Let's rock!

So, remember me to Freddie and Sam,

your loving and caring elder brother

Spencer

* * *

** Chapter 11. Eleventh Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

November 13, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Malibu, California

**From**:

* * *

Carly Shay

**To**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

* * *

Dear Spencer,

Thanksgiving is now approaching fast.

Hence this is probably my last letter to you before you come visiting me, anyways.

You're right concerning Dustin staying with us at the boarding school, all over the Thanksgiving break.

Unfortunately, Scooter won't do the same, as he will celebrate the holidays with his dad.

When did we do so last time?

Damn' submarine!

I mean it's only unfortunate if mandy happens to follow you hereto, and she has another aunt living nearby, and stuff. On the other hand, I might tell Scooter to send Mandy a mail.

If she swallows the bait, we will be safe for a bit.

Mandy is not yet back from the fool's errant, is she?

Well, I've attached the form you have to fill in for being a guest at our school, and another form for Miss Fielder.

Maybe she will tell me her first name, in case you are still too much of a chicken to ask her, which would not surprise me.

Sorry, but it creeps me thinking about having a sister-in-law whose first name is unknown.

Sam will taunt me mercilessly.

Oops, have I just said Sam?

Well, you won't believe it from me, but you may ask her if you come hereto:

Logan has taught Freddie in womanising. As I've already mentioned, he incites Freddie to treat girls with aggressive arrogance.

Freddie and Logan stumbled upon Sam.

Logan wanted Freddie to give a demonstration of his skills

First, Freddie didn't have the guts to do so, but then he was really like a southern macho, supported by the stuff he had used to treat his hair. He talked about Freddie's dress being dirty, and her hair being ugly, and so on.

Sam was actually impressed, but she was surprised, and she wondered why Freddie has not always treated her like that. But she really liked Freddie's reckless demeanour, and she smiled mercilessly.

Freddie was consternated.

Sam thundered across the campus: "Now kiss me , you dokward!"

Freddie shrugged, but he could not resist.

The whole campus was watching, requesting Freddie and Sam to kiss for much longer, and to cuddle on top of that.

You were right:

The wall between Freddie and Sam is now thoroughly broken.

It's just how this happened …

And, as soon as they kissed, a lightening flashed, and a thunder roared, and heavy drops of rain fell from the suddenly obfuscated sky, wetting the campous in no time.

This happened inspite of the weather reporter from California BC, Walter Nichols, having promised sunny weather for the next two weeks.

I've heard that the same inept reporter has already made a similar mistake like a year ago[[45]], upsetting half of the southern Californian population to no end.

Scooter seems to know Walter Nichols in person, like, from his home in San Diego, but he's too embarassed to talk about it.

Oh yes, it never rains in California, it pours, man, it pours!

Unfortunately, I was clad for bright, sunny weather.

As a consequence, some of my belongings got severely damaged, such as my cellular phone, and my game girl.

Quinn is now trying to repair the whole stuff, but she can't promise that it will be for any avail.

And I was so close to winning a prize with my virtual pony in the video game that you bought me last Christmas.

Fortunately, the roof of the library is still water-proof, which is not a given in a region where it is believed to never rain.

In fact, Ashley's roof is not exactly water tight, and the rain has spoilt Ashley's luxury carpet.

Now she is going to move in with us for two days, before she's going on another taping event.

The room should be repaired until after the Thanksgiving break.

Ashley hates green gummi worms, so I have to sort them out for her.

This way, I'm earning a few bucks, too.

Sam eats all the green gummi worms after I've sorted them out.

By the way, Ashley knows Megan Parker, too.

Megan appears to be one scary creep, exactly like that Nevel Papperman from Nevelocity.

Ashley told me that Paige Howard was really Megan in disguise. She had taught Megan to act appropriately for her rôle.

Actually, the inventions that Megan had prepared for the science fair were those of her step-brother, and she wanted to discredit him thoroughly by exposing the weaknesses of his inventions.

Apparently, Megan is obsessed with making her step-brother rue the day.

It creeps me to no end imagining that I might be a relative, if not a monocygotic twin sister, of Megan Parker.

In the same way, Nevel tried to blackmail me into kissing him for a recommendation of iCarly in Nevelocity.

Fortunately, Dustin was nearby.

Nevel was not afraid of Dustin, but he thought that Dustin and I were one happy couple, and he withdrew. But he insisted in me going to rue this, until dystopia, whatever that is.

Quinn says that dystopia is a medical term for a misplaced inner organ.

I can't make any sense of that.

It goes over my head.

Hey, maybe I should fight fire with fire, and send Megan against Nevel, and vice versa?

But what if they gang up?

I better don't think about it.

That said, I'm happy for Gibby as he has found that Louise Johnson girl.

It's really sad that she's going to return to New York City after next summer.

Ashley has also announced that her brother Vince is likely to return to the school.

He had been expelled for bullying and cheating[[46]] , but he is tricking his parents and Dean Rivers into believing that he had turned nice.

Ashley says this as if she had taught Vince to feign being nice, or so I feel.

Melanie has a silent crush on Vince. She says that he's a real man, not a cowardly dweeb like Freddie. She probably says so in order to taunt Sam.

Oh, the record idea sounds very interesting, good luck with Miss Raymour's visit.

We will talk about the longest webcast ever when you're here, OK?

Now I'm looking forward to seeing you here on this campus the monday before Thanksgiving.

We have got a lot to show you.

Your always loving and caring little sister,

Carly

* * *

** Chapter 12. Twelfth Letter**

* * *

**Date**:

* * *

November 17, 2007

**Place**:

* * *

Seattle, Washington

**From**:

* * *

Spencer Shay

**To**:

* * *

Carly Shay

* * *

Dear Carly,

this is my last letter before I come visiting you.

Your last letter confused me a lot with all the turmoil and mayhem that seems to go on in your life at the Pacific Coast Academy:

Nevel? Megan? Ashley? Vince?

And the biggest hammer: Sam and Freddie!

True, I've somewhat anticipated that Sam's bickering was not as hostile as it appeared.

But the event positively surprised me.

The lightening storm and sky burst over Los Angeles, in turn, was a way less pleasant surprise.

I hope that your items ain't beyond repair, I can't afford buying you a new game girl right now, not one of those improved SMS- and GPS-capable ones, at least.

Concerning Mandy, all hope is lost.

Lats night, she stumbled in, carrying a large pack with stuff.

She showed me the list of things I had ordered her to get for me,with each item checked. She had actually found a left-handed screw driver!

Not even Socko has ever been able to.

Even worse, she told me the stories how she found all those things.

They were incredibly hard to get at, and only found in special shops and special junk yards.

I tried to invent a few white lies, but, as you know oh so well, I totally suck at these, and I sank deeper and deeper in the hoopla.

Mandy is going to live in Los Angeles with her second cousin one remote.

Miss Fielder is already totally excited. She would really love the Pacific Coast Academy, if she gets accepted as a teacher for arts.

Strangely, when I started reading about the bad weather that you have got down in California, all of a sudden, the rain over here has stopped.

And you said that Walter Nichols was the name inept weather reporter? Well, I've heard grandpa talk about Walter Nichols in a scornful manner, once upon a time, like, as if he has ruined our family. I can't make much sense of it. But I'm sure that I'm going to investigate once I'm in California.

Now I'm trying to patch the bits and pieces together.

The Parkers are neighbours of Scooter.

Scooter knows Mr. Nichols.

Grandpa knows Mr. Michols, and, apparently, the Parkers, and he's too much of a chicken to talk about it.

I suppose strongly that there's a connection between Walter Nichols and the Parker family, and that this is the key to the solution of the riddle. I swear that I'm so going to investigate.

It smells scandalous, really scandalous …

Too bad Scooter won't be around during the Thanksgiving break.

I'd so interrogate him …

By the way, although you are correct with dystopia as a medical term for some anatomic anomalia, dystopia may also refer to doom-and-gloom fiction, such as _Brave New World[[47]]_ or _1984[[48]]_. Hell, I have to twist and bvreak my tongue into smithereens in order to say those words, really, not even Mrs. Briggs uses that many difficult words in one reasonable sentence.

What I want to say, Nevel has loaded you with curses lasting until the latter days, and I fear that he won't give in that easily.

Things are getting worse:

He has got a live-sized picture of Megan Parker on his web site, Nevelocity. Saying it in other words, he is a total fan of her.

Nevelocity is full of recommendations for Megan's former website, meganparker DOT com[[49]], a site that shows a bunch of vicious pranks she has pulled repeatedly on Drake and some obese, big-headed, dorky-looking guy that I don't know, must be another relative of friend of the family, Megan Parker just refers to them collectively as _The Boobs_.

So far I can tell you, being related to Megan will be a curse, as much as I'd love being related to Drake.

And everything points to us being related, indeed, given grandpa's strange, evasive demeanour whenever I hit that topic.

Miss Fielder, who has been researching with me, now guesses that Nevel was disappointed because you are not Megan parker, although he has hoped you were, and that explains his hostility.

As if it were your fault that you look alike, whether you're related or not.

Oh yeah baby, Megan and Nevel would be one hell of a "fantastic" team.

It makes me shudder with disgust.

And now I need to get my luggage done, especially the socks, three pairs of socks per day, those of the flashy, colourful sort, you know.

Maybe it is as you say, Dustin's elder sister has invented them, and Quinn has added the illumination.

I so need to meet that Zoey girl, she seems to be really gifted an artist. I could definitely use more fanciful outfit.

Everything from caps over backpacks to even more socks is welcome.

Miss Fielder should give her a recommendation for Harry Joyner's school.

Unfortunately, I've asked Mrs. Benson for help with my luggage, as I'm a bit messy. I so regret having done so.

Mrs. benson insists in me taking a lot of items to Freddie, such as ten cans of tick spray, five antisceptic panties, a family pack of poultices and bandages, many new salves and pills that I don't know what they are good for.

Gibby is going to make a little gift for you, Freddie, and Sam, alas, I don't know what it is.

Mr. Franklin has also got something for me to take to Dean Rivers. He's constrantly talking about their common days in the pedagogical university of Princeton.

That's it, I've got a lot more to say, but I'll do that when I see you, and Sam, and Freddie, right on the campus.

If everything goes well, we'll be at the campus entrance by seven p.m.

Your forever caring and loving elder brother,

Spencer

* * *

** The End**

* * *

[[1] ]from _iCarly_: _iTwins_

* * *

[[2] ]in _iCarly_: _iPilot_

* * *

[[3] ]Scooter is from _Zoey 101_: _Favor Chain_, identified with Robbie Carmichael from _Drake & Josh_: _Treehouse_, as both of them were portrayed by Matthew Evans.

* * *

[[4] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iWant To Stay With Spencer_

* * *

[[5] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iFence_

* * *

[[6] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iWant To Stay With Spencer_

* * *

[[7] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iHeart Art_

* * *

[[8] ]cf. _Unfabulous_ : _The Grey Area_, same actress as Mrs. Briggs

* * *

[[9] ]allusion to a song by Hammond and Hazlewood _It Never rains In Southern California_which I don't own

* * *

[[10] ]cf, _Zoey 101_: _Favor Chain_

* * *

[[11] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Zoey's Tutor_

* * *

[[12] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iLike Jake_

* * *

[[13] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iLike Jake_

* * *

[[14] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Chase's Grandmother_

* * *

[[15] ]cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Little Diva_

* * *

[[16] ]Moving Pictures Expert Group

* * *

[[17] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iStake Out_

* * *

[[18] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iWill Date Freddie_

* * *

[[19] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iSpy A Mean Teacher_

* * *

[[20] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iFence_

* * *

[[21] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Hot Dean_

* * *

[[22] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Walkathon_

* * *

[[23] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Good-Bye, Zoey!_

* * *

[[24] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Broadcast Views_

* * *

[[25] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iWant More Viewers_

* * *

[[26] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iScream On Halloween_

* * *

[[27] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iMust Have Locker 239_

* * *

[[28] ]_Zoey 101_: _Paige At PCA_

* * *

[[29] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iWant To Stay With Spencer_

* * *

[[30] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iWant More Viewers_

* * *

[[31] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Quinn's Alpaca_

* * *

[[32] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Hot Dean_

* * *

[[33] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Michael Loves Lisa_

* * *

[[34] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Robot Wars_

* * *

[[35] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iWant A Record_

* * *

[[36] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Anger Management_

* * *

[[37] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Backpack_

* * *

[[38] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Spring Fling_

* * *

[[39] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _Quarantine_, surname is taken from the same actor's rôle in _Hannah Montana_, another show which I don't own

* * *

[[40] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iNevel_ — same actress

* * *

[[41] ]cf. _Zoey 101_L _Lola Likes Chase_

* * *

[[42] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iRock The Votes_

* * *

[[43] ]from _True Jackson VP_, usually known as Lulu, identified with an anonymous girl portrayed by the same actress in _iCarly_: _iGot A Lovesick Teacher_

* * *

[[44] ]cf. _iCarly_: _iAm Your Biggest Fan_

* * *

[[45] ]cf. _Drake & Josh_: _The Storm_

* * *

[[46] ]cf. _Zoey 101_: _The Great Vince Blake_

* * *

[[47] ]book by Aldous Huxley which I don't own

* * *

[[48] ]book by George Orwell which I don't own, either

* * *

[[49] ]cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Honor Council_


End file.
